This & That

So my Thanksgiving Wasn't bad! Besides the kitchen fire, and my step mother catching aflame (she wasn't injured), It went really well! Not one word was thrown, and also no food for that matter. My family is starting to grow up! I couldn't be more proud! I guess with a family as big as mine drama is a constant thing. Overall i had a GRRRREAT time. Now just crossing my fingers for Christmas to go as smoothly.

So i realize my last blogs are kinda depressing lol I just like to write and for some reason all my words end up on the sad side. Oh well that's the only emotion I can relate the best and am able to say EXACTLY what's on my mind and actually make some sense! I really am a happy person though! Anyways I decided to post something I wrote a few years back pertaining to Break-Ups and all that jazz. Seems like a lot of people are going through tough times with boyfriends and girlfriends so I felt like posting it. So here it goes:

It's not a huge deal. To be single that is. What I think bugs the hell out of me is the fact of having to start again. You put so much time and effort in to this one person, ultimately thinking you will spend the rest of your lives together. Let's face it; why else would you date someone? The hardest thing is having to let them go and get your heart and brain to understand that you are still a great person and you are still a candidate for someone amazing. It is even harder because while you are trying to do this you wonder how to do this. In past situations I figured well I will quick find someone else and it will be ok. This way I will have someone to "take my exes" place. Well what I have learned, that is exactly what it does. The person you found quickly ends up being just that, an ex. It is an endless torturous cycle. What I really need to do and it took awhile to realize is, the person I need to focus on is me. I need get to know myself. How can I try and get to know these people and try and date them when I really don't know myself? What makes me happy? What pushes my buttons and what pisses me off? Until I can truly figure myself out is when I know I will be happy in a relationship.

I have been through hell and back. I have been in some of the worst relationships and some of the best. I have learned a lot and I have come to a conclusion: I need to stop trying to find it. I need to understand that it will come to me when I am ready, it will find me. Like any great high in the world this one you cannot go looking for. Love. Everyone strives above all to feel this, and to feel it with another human being. I thought many times that I found it. Only to be burned and my eyes to be uncovered. I am back at square one. I am single and I am ok. I am not hurting and so desperatly trying to figure out why. I know I am a great person with great qualities and I have a lot to offer someone. Like any human being I have my flaws. I am trying to embrace all that is me and learn to be myself. Learn to be by myself. Relationships end and things happen.

So I also have decided trying to play games and being stupid after a break-up is so ridiculous. There’s no point in continuing to get your ex to want you back merely out of selfishness. Another hard thing about break-ups is picturing your ex with someone new. It's only naturally to move on, but it still hurts! I know that they are interested and talking to a new person already and it makes me uneasy. I guess I really wasn't irreplaceable. Ha! I'm fine with it; I guess I just don't understand it all, and not everything needs to be understood. I need to turn that new leaf and I’m almost there. I'm sorry for continuing to talk about love, our love, and showing myself as weak. I did that a lot in my last relationship. I have no regrets about it, if anything I am grateful that I met that person. All the drama and fights we had I know exactly what I need to work on and I know more what I am not looking for in a person. I fell hard and it hurt. But the minor bruises and scrapes to my heart, and they are minor, are healing faster each day. I am ok.

Love, or should I say "love" can be crazy sometimes. It is hard, because the way I have been experiencing "love" It seems more like hate. Never Have I felt more pain, hurt, and anger with ''love". Hate has never treated me this bad. But I am stronger than that. I am getting through it and I feel great. The only thing you can do is try your best to maintain sanity. Don't let it get the best of you. I'm moving on and I am on my way to better things and a better me only thing you can do is keep on living your life and on loving your life.

So in conclusion. Life hands you something, something you always wanted. You finally get it and you want it to work so badly. Sometimes what you always want just doesn’t work out. Nothing is wrong with that. Things happen for a reason. Just realize that. Have no regrets about it and move on with your life. That’s all you can do. Close that chapter and read on, because trust me, there is so many other chapters just as eventful, fun and exciting as the one you just closed. And maybe, just maybe in the next chapters you will find what you are looking for and that it all woks out for the best.

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today"

Well that's all folks! Ahh I totally ended up doing another somewhat depressing blog. Lol maybe if I change the color of my background from black to a lighter happier color this will change. lol Who knows.

Love and peace

Shane

Random on the spot words by me. Lol I guess depressing is my thing...ha! i don't know...here it goes:

Beat it nerd

Just gonna do this, not even think it through

gonna tell you to beat it, say 'Nah, i don't need you'

make you feel that pain, and hope you wanna die

little do you know, i feel the same, that was all a lie

gonna let you go, gonna forget your every being

and pretend you are the person now, the one that I am seeing

through the drinks, and that foggy haze of smoke

the thought of you you hurting, in my memories it soaks

They all told me to leave, and pretended I was through

But now all i'm left with is wishing they was you.

Return to Sender

Its bananas what one can feel when the done has been done

The battle has been fought

And the real war has just begun

I never knowin really how ya feel

Cuz the real u exposed is just a peel

From the fruit that should be whats true

Only to be devoured and eaten by the lies around you

Not out to hate nor appreciate

But how many times am I left to speculate

Ya shit stinks and I wish it was roses

How many times can you strike ya different poses?

I love that u remain the same dude

Used and abused but wit a better attitude

ya make me smile when I wanna hit you

you make me wanna make u happy like a real man would do

I hate the hidden, that you sometimes posses

but only to love the mystery, love, the STRESS!!

Shits so black and white wit you

how you ever gonna do what you do?

the feelin is gone, no colors to steal

theres no more room for the gray that you feel

I love and hate the same things im uncertain of

but all I know I got nothin but love

the negativity sounds fresh,crazy,and askew

I want you to know I really love you

im holdin you high now on my top shelf

you are me, and this is my letter to myself.

That's all folks.

peace&love

$hane

Traffic Light People

Just came up with this! With the analogy that people are like traffic lights...or they should have a light on em! You got your red light people. People you KNOW you shouldn't fuck with but sometimes you do anyway, and the result? BAM you get fucked! Then there are your flashing yellow light people. These people you are unsure of so you proceed with caution and probably the main reason you're proceeding with caution in the first place is because in your life you have experienced a red light person. And then finally a green light person. Someone you know you can trust and know that you gonna be safe with them. IDK just something I was thinkin bout! while I was driving one late night. Here it is:

The drive

Have me thinkin you's a green light and i'm ready to go

just gonna roll through, lookin good, just gonna flow

the light I thought was green is burnin bright red

thinkin to myself, nah I should still just go instead

got me runnin this red light gettin in this collision

shoulda thought it through shoulda made a better decision

now with every new person they be that flashing yellow light

always proceeding with caution, always putting up a fight

the first cut is the deepest, nah it feels like death itself

you got that venom, that tobacco, no good for my health

You was that red light, that no go, i shoulda known it then

But I drove through thinkin it's what shoulda been.

All these lights got me goin crazy now, your face, it stays in my head.

should have stopped when i saw you, shoulda U-turned instead.

That's it! short but yeah. I dig it.

Ha! peace and love

Shane

Months

A poem?song I recently wrote....

Trying to stay focused, trying not to remember
I was the first one you forgot, when you left me in September
You promised me the world, but gave me a mile
You told me wait it out,I knew it would be awhile
Awhile turned in to later, and then into never
you promised you would come back, and see me in December
I knew better, shoulda known you enough
that you played me like a poker game, always on the bluff
I still kept my faith, and always wondered why
you said this time you'll be back, sometime in July
The fireworks came, and you were nowhere to be found
I was starting to forget your voice, don't remember the sound
I kept loving you still, knowing full well-'what a bust'
You lied to me again, said you'd be back in August
The wheather was changing and so was I
Shoulda stuck with my gut and ended this lie
Now im twittling my thumbs, and we're back in September
Sitting here hoping, someday you'll remember.

Til next time...peace & love...

Shane